I asked my wife, “Did you tell Kennedy to do that??”
Nope.
This is an anecdote about a “little” 3-year-old girl not having to ask for permission — and the BIG gains that come from that.
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About Jesse McCarthy
For 20 years, Jesse McCarthy has worked with thousands of children, parents, teachers and administrators — as a principal for infants to 8th graders, an executive with a nationwide group of private schools, an elementary & junior-high teacher, and a parent-and-teacher mentor.
Jesse received his B.A. in psychology from the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) and his Montessori teacher's diploma for ages 2.5 to 6+ from Association Montessori Internationale (AMI), the organization founded by Dr. Maria Montessori.
Jesse has spoken on early education and child development at schools around the globe, from Midwest America to the Middle East, as well as at popular organizations in and outside of the Montessori community: from AMI/USA to Twitter. Jesse now heads MontessoriEducation.com and hosts The Montessori Education Podcast.
Transcript: Kennedy and the Plant - Masters of the House
The educator Dr. Maria Montessori once said, "The child developing harmoniously and the adult improving himself at his side make a very exciting and attractive picture."
Welcome to Montessori Education with me, Jesse McCarthy, where we talk raising children and educating students while bettering ourselves right alongside them.
Hey everyone, good to be with you. I want to share something that happened, a few weeks back, um, really wonderful for me, and I think it captures a lot of what Montessori is all about. And to get you set for it, I want to ask you a quick question, just coming right out: When was the last time you had to ask permission to do something?
From a boss, a spouse, partner, maybe the government, I don't know, anyone. I want you to keep that in mind as we go along today. Some quick background to this anecdote about Kennedy and the plant, or masters of the house. My wife and I, we run a little schoolhouse called La Casa. Currently, seven children, mixed ages from three to six years old, with one younger child, our own son, Ragnar, who recently turned two.
Now, our program is based in the Montessori approach, and especially relevant for today is the idea of freedom within limits. Um, that's just some quick context about La Casa here. Now a couple weekends ago, I was out, it was at Home Depot, and while there my wife, she texted me to buy a new plant. So I did.
It was a cute little one actually. And later when I got home, my wife, she just put it on one of the shelves in the schoolhouse area. Um, you can think of that area as just like a big classroom in our house. Now that Monday back, all the children arrive, and Kennedy, who's three years old, heads for the plant on the shelf.
Now, all the shelves and other furniture here are at the children's level, just so you know. So she picks up the plant, along with a tray that has some items to take care of it, and brings everything to a table. (The tables are child sized, too.) She sits down and proceeds to water this plant, and then clean the leaves with a little wet sponge.
She does all this super carefully and calmly. Then Kennedy just puts the plant and tray right back on the shelf where she had found them. A little while later in the day, I asked Alessandra, uh, Alessandra's my wife by the way, Did you tell Kennedy to take care of that plant? Nope. And I mean, I surely didn't either.
So what happened was, Kennedy just saw the new plant there in the morning and decided to water it and clean it. All on her own. This whole experience was wonderful for me. Maybe some of you out there also see the beauty in such a simple experience, but you know, I, I realize that to others, this might seem like a small thing. You know, "So what?" Well, there are a few big, 'so whats' that I definitely want to share. One, there's something huge here, emotionally or spiritually for Kennedy. Think about this. She is a three year old that did not have to ask for permission. Now, I don't know, this too might sound like nothing, but it isn't nothing.
Generally in our culture, children are told what to do all day long. Go here, go there, do this, do that, and on and on. That is not fun. Not for a child, not for us. In our little schoolhouse, and in other homes and classrooms that offer genuine respect to children, we have a certain freedom. The children have a certain freedom.
Now, it's within limits, of course. There is structure. But within those limits, within that structure, each child is free. And I'd argue that part of the reason that children, can be viewed as so challenging or difficult by many parents, and definitely by many teachers, is that they don't often experience freedom.
A therapist I really admire, the late Haim Ginott, put this point really well. He said, "Give children a choice and a voice in matters that affect their lives. Children are dependent on their parents. And dependency breeds hostility. To reduce enmity [or you can think of it as like opposition] a parent provides children with opportunities to experience independence. The more autonomy, the less enmity, the more self dependence, the less resentment of the parent."
Now we adults can forget just how meaningful a little freedom, a little choice can be. It is so nice to not have to ask permission all the time. But we just take it for granted. We got to remember this with our kids.
So that is one huge, you know, 'so what?' about this little plant anecdote with Kennedy.
And another big 'so what?' is that because Kennedy didn't have to ask permission -- which, really is a result of the environment here being prepared in a way that all the children can actually take care of things on their own -- she is developing herself into the type of person who can get things done, generally. I mean, keep in mind, Kennedy is only three years old, yet she's literally taking care of a plant in our schoolhouse. This isn't, you know, Pretend City over here. We don't have fake tools and fake kitchens and fake plants.
Kennedy is literally making sure that plant stays alive. And, you know, making sure it stays pretty looking because these things can wilt and so forth. To use Maria Montessori's words, these kids here are really 'masters of the house'.
Now, quick note, I don't mean 'masters' in the sense of throwing around commands at us. Again, there are definite limits here. Like, when it's time to clean up, it's time to clean up. But the 'master' part I'm talking about is that Kennedy and the other children have everything needed to handle things themselves.
And like pros. In the case of, you know, plants at La Casa, Kennedy and the other children have access to a watering can, a sponge, a towel for any spills, even a cloth for dusting the leaves if they needed that. And they've all gotten an intro lesson on how to care for plants, so they have everything needed to succeed, and you know, succeed solo, to be masters of the house.
Now, with the kind of prep here at La Casa, these children can accomplish tasks that an adult would usually handle for them. So Kennedy and her peers are gaining real world competence. And competence in small things builds up to confidence in big things, including confidence in oneself.
If, if you just saw Kennedy's face that day, you could almost read her thoughts and feelings. Um, you know, "I can take care of my surroundings." "I don't need an adult to do everything for me." "I'm good." That was coming across from her.
I mean, the big 'so what?' here is Kennedy's gaining an earned confidence, and it's based in real world skill building. And it's all from simple activities like taking care of a plant.
And one, one last, 'so what?' Kennedy just plain enjoyed taking care of this thing, just as she enjoys the work of other real-world activities, what we'd call Practical Life in Montessori.
So just as Kennedy is able to do, I don't know, the expected things of children her age, like using the restroom on her own, washing her hands on her own, eating on her. She can also do things that are much less expected of her in today's culture, such as dusting and watering plants. And I'll give you a few more hands-on activities that she can do, and completely on her own.
She can prepare snacks, think spreading jam, or peanut butter on toast, or cutting fruit like apples, strawberries, bananas. And she gets everything involved in such activities, the tray, knife, napkin, and then she sets the table so that she and a friend can then eat those snacks that she or they prepared and prepped together.
And after they're done eating, then Kennedy also cleans that table completely by herself, including sweeping up any crumbs or wiping up any spills that might have happened. So this is not the norm for a three year old, uh, not even for many of today's 13 year olds, I would say. Uh, and this, this is not about bragging.
I mean, Kennedy isn't arrogant about any of this, and we aren't here to create superhumans to compete in some test. It's really just to say that what Kennedy is up to should be the norm. I mean, it just, it feels awesome for the children to be able to take care of themselves. To know that they are capable of doing things that we adults can do.
And I'd say for us, my wife Alessandra and me, it's really just a joy to aid Kennedy and her peers to be more independent. I mean, sometimes just to keep it real, they do a better job than I do at tasks. It's just wonderful to experience it all, and in the moment. And at the end of the day, I mean, everything we're up to here is just about enjoying life, to the fullest.
And it's right alongside the children.
I probably should say, I don't want to pretend that things are always beautiful and wonderful. Some days I'd rather not clean up a mess. And definitely the same with my wife. Some days a child might be having a rough morning, getting feisty, just like us adults at times.
But, these kind of seeming 'downs' are also a real part of life, not something to be hidden. And the children, and we, we work through it. As Maria Montessori put it once, "progress is not linear."
And another little side note, Kennedy and these kids aren't only taking care of plants or cleaning messes here.
They do a lot of what most people might call 'academics'. You can think math, language, geography. Funny enough this morning, Alessandra told me that Kennedy came up to her yesterday and said, "Peru looks like Namibia." Peru looks like Namibia. Context here is that Kennedy has been doing some Montessori map work, including learning about South America and Africa, where Namibia happens to be.
So it's not just watering plants. It's well-rounded learning and fun learning.
One last related side note, uh, especially for parents who struggle with discipline. When children are given opportunities to engage in work like this, enjoyable work, especially to choose that work without pressure, they tend to have a genuine sense of goodwill towards others, including toward us parents and teachers, which means we experience fewer "behavior" or discipline problems. So you can kind of think the opposite of that Haim Ginott quote I shared about dependency breeding hostility.
Summing up here, Kennedy, three-year-old girl, took care of a plant in our little schoolhouse all on her own. This was possible because the environment, based in Montessori, is prepared for her and the other children to be able to take care of themselves and their surroundings, on their own.
This includes having nearly everything at their size, at their reach, etc. And it includes having activities that, you know, with some initial guidance, the children then can do independently of us, of any adult, actually. And underlying it all are a few intangibles, like the freedom, within limits again, that children have to choose activities, without asking for permission.
And there's also just a deep respect or view that children are capable of real work. And that that work can be enjoyable and help a young girl like Kennedy to develop not just a specific confidence in, say taking care of a plant, but also an overall confidence in herself.
So, closing up here, um, I mean there's a lot more to say on Montessori and on our La Casa in particular, but I just wanted to share this anecdote around Kennedy and the plant, because I think it captures so much of what is possible when we create environments that actually fit children's needs, where they can, in a very real way, become masters of the house.
So, I hope this was helpful, or at the least a good peek into a Montessori schoolhouse for you. If you enjoyed, I just have one request. Tell me about it, please. Anything as simple as just a comment saying, you know 'Thank you!', and you post it wherever you're listening or watching, or you can write me a longer note if you like. My email is jesse@montessorieducation.com. You know, recording these podcast episodes, it's just me and a microphone. So it really is nice to hear back from you all.
All right again, I'm Jesse McCarthy and you've been listening to the Montessori Education Podcast. ... and that's it. Adios until next time.